Tuesday, October 20, 2009

My Monthy Diary for October, or When Squirrels Attack

Yes, this month was the month of the vicious squirrels, but I will get to that later.

First off this month Mommy got sick. She was coughing and sneezing and had a low grade fever so I let her stay in bed all day on the Saturday she was sick, but then on Sunday afternoon her fever broke so I told her it was time to get up and take a hike. Mommy said no, she was not going to hike,so I got my big Grunty Fish and smooshed it into her head. Mommy told me to go away, I smooshed her with Grunty Fish, Mommy pulled the covers over her head, I pulled the covers off the bed and smooshed her with Grunty Fish. Mommy said she was too sick to hike, I smooshed her with Grunty Fish. Mommy gave up, got dressed and took me for a very slow three mile hike. We stopped a lot, but that was okay because we were hiking. The next day Mommy's fever came back so she stayed in bed AGAIN! That afternoon I got Mommy up and told her that it was nice outside and we should be in the backyard. Mommy said she was too sick, but I bugged her and bugged her until she gave up and brought a sleeping bag and pillow out to the hammock so she could sleep while I chased squirrels and sat in the sun. Mommy really needs to think about me more when she is sick.

Also this month Mommy has been bad to me because she is walking my neighbor Benji three nights a week because his mommy hurt her back. I don't like Benji, he is a snot and tries to bite me so we can't walk together. So, Mommy goes and takes him for short walks after we take our long one. When they pass our house Benji slows down and sniffs MY grass and looks at me and acts snotty until I get mad and start barking at him. So, in revenge now when I pass Benji's house I slow down and sniff HIS grass until he barks.

Oh, I also hurt my back again playing with a ball in the backyard. I was throwing it around and chasing it and I stepped wrong and fell. My back was really sore that night and Mommy had to give me a Tramadol around midnight. I woke her up again at 4 am and asked for another pill, but Mommy said no. So I asked to go out and refused to come back in. Finally Mommy gave me two pieces of cheese like she does when I get pills and I came inside and went to bed and waited for the pills to kick in, but they didn't. Mean Mommy had left the pills out of the cheese! She did give me another pill later that morning and I had to stay on them for a few days. My back feels better now, but it still hurts a little if I overdo it.

Also this month Mommy got me the best present EVER. It was an elk antler. It is even better than butcher bones (which I can't have anymore). I chewed it so much the first day I got it that I was still chewing it at 1:30 a.m. and Mommy told me ENOUGH! and GO TO BED! You should see how shiny white my teeth are now.

But you have all been wondering about the squirrels mentioned in the title of this blog and I will tell you about it.

First off, I was outside and a I spotted a squirrel who didn't spot me. I crept up on it and got to about 6 feet from it and between the squirrel and the closest tree before he saw me. When he spotted me he froze and looked around for an escape. The nearest trees besides the one I was blocking were all about 12 feet from him. He knew that if he ran to one of those trees I'd get him for sure before he reached it. He stared at me and I stared at him. He faked like he might run one direction then another, but I didn't fall for it. I was waiting for him to lose his nerve and run for one of those trees. Then he went CRAZY!! Instead of running to one of the far trees he ran STRAIGHT FOR ME!! I was so shocked I took a step backwards and that squirrel ran between my legs to the tree behind me and I totally forgot to grab him when he was in reach! I thought Mommy would hurt herself she was laughing so hard. It wasn't funny. The squirrel attacked me!

The second squirrel attack happened a couple days ago. I was walking in the Squirrel Park with Mommy and we stopped at the Squirrel Tree. I love the Squirrel Tree in fall because you never know how many squirrels are going to be in it, and better yet, how many are going to run out of it. I've seen as many as 12 squirrels run out of that tree in one blurry fuzzy gray line. I checked the tree and there was one squirrel inside and he wanted to be outside. He would peek out of the hole at me and I would jump up and try to grab him, but he never put enough of himself outside the tree for me to get. We had a stalemate for about 5 minutes until he ducked all the way back into the tree and vanished for a little bit. Then he came back to the hole with a black walnut in his mouth. Now, for those of you who don't know black walnuts they aren't like regular walnuts. They are a little bigger and instead of having thinish smooth shells they have very thick, very hard shells with pointy parts all over them. Anyway, that squirrel came up to the hole with a black walnut in his mouth and he peeked out at me, then he went to the other side of the hole and peeked out at me, then he went to the top of the hole and peeked out at men, then he went to the bottom of the hole and peeked out at me. I was staring up at him the whole time wondering what he was doing when he suddenly shoved that walnut out of the hole and dropped it right on my head! It hit me between the eyes and I jumped back in shock and that rotten squirrel ran out of the hole and up the tree at that exact moment! Again, Mommy laughed so hard I thought she'd break something. How could she laugh at such unsportsmanlike behavior?

So be warned...squirrels are evil, evil things and they are out to get us. They have stopped obeying the rules of all our squirrel chasing games. Who knows what they will do next?